Friday, October 27, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
What I think of "forwards" (not original)
As another year will shortly be a memory, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Extra thanks for the ones that I have to open 15 times to get to the message.
Special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi, or Dr Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who won't put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by UPS, or FedEx, since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat KFC, because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus, since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul, because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God onlyanswers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer have any savings, because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time) I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor! If you don't send this to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EDT) this afternoon.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of mine's next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
Special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi, or Dr Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who won't put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from, nor send packages by UPS, or FedEx, since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat KFC, because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus, since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul, because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God onlyanswers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer have any savings, because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time) I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor! If you don't send this to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EDT) this afternoon.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of mine's next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
FDR and Reagan had more fun than their successors do
OpinionJournal - Peggy Noonan
I don't agree with her all the time - but I do enjoy her writing.
This is a good one.
UPDATE: the link is to her current column. The one I am referring to is Oct. 20th. Click the archives at the bottom of the page to find it.
I don't agree with her all the time - but I do enjoy her writing.
This is a good one.
UPDATE: the link is to her current column. The one I am referring to is Oct. 20th. Click the archives at the bottom of the page to find it.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Republicans becoming Democrats
WP: In Kansas, a flurry of party switchers - washingtonpost.com Highlights - MSNBC.com
Isn't it interesting how "conservatives," or "fundamentalist Christians" are always the problem, always wrong, always assumed to be the troublemakers?
Isn't it interesting how "conservatives," or "fundamentalist Christians" are always the problem, always wrong, always assumed to be the troublemakers?
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Friday, October 13, 2006
You've Got Choices
galleryone.htm
Looking for a nontraditional coffin? This one is called "The Angel."
Also available is an egg, a kite, a guitar - well take a look for yourself.
I am going to give some serious thought to planning one of these for myself.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Clinton proposes school snack guidelines - Children's Health - MSNBC.com
Clinton proposes school snack guidelines - Children's Health - MSNBC.com
Clinton - the poster child for healthy eating - riiiiight!!!
this is idiotic.
Clinton - the poster child for healthy eating - riiiiight!!!
this is idiotic.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Really?
Be advised, hemorrhoid cream not for the face - More Health News - MSNBC.com
This is one of those things that fall under the "no-brainer" category as far as I am concerned.
This is one of those things that fall under the "no-brainer" category as far as I am concerned.
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